Month: October 2021

Pushing Out

As I mentioned in my last post, a tease I called it, I do have plans to do many things in the next couple years all wrapped around my retiring next year.

It’s been a very difficult thing for me to accept and I know that for some, it’s hard for them to understand how retiring could be a difficult thing.  For some, maybe, not for me, it’s been a difficult journey to acceptance.

Understand that as an American male Baby Boomer, we were taught by our Silent Generation parents to work hard.  Remember, my parents’, in their lives went through the Great Depression as well as WWII, so they knew hardship.  They definitely did not want us to experience the financial hardships that they’d seen.

So, when I was younger, if you were male, you went to school for some that included College for others they went into a trade but whichever route you took, the expectation was that you’d work hard, get married, buy a house, etc., etc.  Most of all, you would save for tough times, be prepared.  What they didn’t tell you was when you had kids, all the saving part got much more difficult.

So, like a Kentucky thoroughbred that had been trained to run, we were trained to work and I (we) did.  Often gone too much and for too long, many times distracted and probably neglectful at home.  But we were doing what we thought we were supposed to do.

Suddenly, or so it seemed to me, I was contemplating retirement.  I felt and still feel selfish thinking about not working, it’s an alien concept.  After all, I started working officially, where I was taxed and paid Social Security, when I was 14 and I worked mowing yards, bailing hay or something else probably since I was 8. 

How could I just stop?  How can I on Friday be at work and on Monday, not?  How does one just turn that off?  I have friends that have very successfully done this, and they’ve managed to enjoy themselves and stay busy, I expect that I will too.

There’s also the financial security that working brings, now, you’re on your own and you hope that you’ve saved, invested and planned properly.  My luck, some financial planner will stumble across this and I’ll be inundated with solicitations with offers to help, for a fee.

So now, I wasted your time explaining my retirement angst all of which changes nothing so as I’ve thought about it over these many months, if I’m going to do this, there’s no point in agonizing over it and boring my friends to tears.

Years ago, I took skydiving lessons.  As a SCUBA Instructor and diver, you have to trust your training and equipment.  The difference between the two are that gravity is real.  I’ve done swimming assents from over 60 feet, and I could probably could have made it from deeper in a pinch.

I told a friend about stepping up to the door on the plane the first time you’re not jumping tandem.  At some point, you must trust that you’ve prepared and that your equipment is good and push out of the plane.  So, late next year, I’ll be pushing out.

Hopefully, that will free me up to pursue other more exciting (in a good way) things that I’ve wanted to do but never had the time because suddenly, time won’t be an impediment anymore.

On a positive note, I’m healthy, adventurous, willing, and hopefully in a financial situation that will allow me to enjoy my retirement and contribute in some meaningful way during that time.

Finally, why this in a blog that started out about the Camino?  Because for some of us, life is the Camino.  We’re all on the Way.

Super Ball

It’s been a long time since my last post, six months approximately which in Blogging Land is the kiss of death.  Fortunately, I write mostly for myself, and I have no interest in monetizing the site so…it’s been six months.

Really, the decline began well before April.  Like everyone else in the world, the enduring pandemic was taking its toll on me both mentally and emotionally.  Luckily, I’ve had no one seriously ill with the virus but seeing the tragedy as it took and continues to take its toll was/is exhausting.

Seeing the negative tilt my writing was taking prompted me to take a time out.  So, it’s been six months.

Anyone who’s read this blog before knows of my renewed interest in meditation and I’m happy that I have incorporated the practice into my daily life, I have found it to be very helpful in navigating the negatives but more importantly the daily aspects of my life, being or attempting to be a better person each and every day.

I had an experience recently that was totally new to me.  Generally, I meditate on my own but sometimes I use an App called Calm which offers me some guidance on my technique but also ideas on my meditation.  Sometimes more serious, sometimes lighter and fun.

Jeff Warren, who describes himself as an author and meditator is one of the guides on the Calm App who I enjoy.  He’s quite good at simplifying the process, which is actually quite simple but I, like many seem to make it more complicated than it should be.

Jeff hosted a guided meditation that he called Super Ball.  I guess he had me at the name alone.  As a child, almost everyone I knew had a Wham-O Super Ball.  If you don’t know this toy, it’s a densely packed rubber ball that when thrown down, it would bounce amazingly high.  And being a young boy at the time, hitting it with a baseball bat was exquisitely cool, a home run every time.  I digress.

In the meditation, he asked me to think like a Super Ball.  On the inhale, I was compressing the ball like throwing it down.  On the exhale, the ball was expanding and bouncing very high.  As I did this, I was, in my mind, bouncing as if I was on a trampoline or becoming the Super Ball.

What happened next was extraordinary.  As I took a long slow breath, compressing the ball, I held it for what seemed like a long time and then slowly started to exhale.  At that moment, the ball/I decompressed, and I felt as if I was accelerating, exploding but in a good non-harmful way.  There was no sound, no pressure like a G-Force there was just calm and acceleration.

While it seemed to have lasted for a long time, I’m sure that it was only seconds maybe less.  But in that time, however long it was, I felt total peace and a oneness with all things.  It was far more involved and at the same time simple than what I’ve tried to describe here.  When I opened my eyes, I became aware that I was smiling.  This type of experience has never happened to me before.

I shared this experience with my friend Katja (you should visit her Camino site) who is a Yoga instructor and knows far more about the practice of meditation than I do.  She welcomed me to the acceptance that the mind can do anything if we allow it to.

So, you may or may not believe this.  You may have experienced something like this before.  You may wonder why I’m writing about this and more importantly, why am I reading it.  All that’s okay.  It’s there if you want it and if not, that’s okay too.

I hope to get back to my routine of writing my blog.  Lots of things on the horizon for me in the next 12, 18, 24 months to dream about, write about and may fear a bit.

A bit of a tease, hopefully a return to Europe next summer.  Emersion Spanish language training in Mexico for a month.  Extended stay in Italy, France or Spain.  And a return to the Camino on parts of the Chemin d’Arles, Camino Aragonés and the Camino Francés.  Maybe pick off a couple “S” countries while I’m at it.

More details in future posts.  Feels pretty good to be back.