Category: Camino de Santiago

Posts from my adventures on the Camino

Hope

Most humans by nature I believe are hopeful beings.  I’ve always considered myself as a glass half full kind of person, I always try to see the positive and if someone is acting in a negative or hostile way, I try to understand why, their circumstance.  While I try, there are certainly times when I fail or sometimes they’re just jerks or the situation is just bad. Something you can’t fix so you I have to let them pass.

The last 12 to 14 months have been a real challenge for me and certainly for the entire world.  While parts of the U.S. seem to be leveling out when it comes to the spread of Covid-19 there are pockets that can only be described as a 4th wave.

Sadly, my friends in the EU and South Africa are seeing a new or continuing wave and are once again in some form of shutdown.  To them, please stay strong.

As warm weather approaches here in Texas we’re also finally doing a good job of getting the vaccine in people’s arms, about 10 million of our approximate 30 million residents have received at least 1 dose of vaccine and sadly another 2.5 million got their immunity the old-fashioned way, they caught and survived Covid-19 and survived so that’s adds to the total population with some antibodies coursing through their veins.

Our case counts here are declining slowly and maybe one can begin to think about doing some things that were once normal.  For me, being outside with my friends and maybe having a burger and beer after a long day’s hike is something that will be happening soon and on a regular basis, I hope.

Last weekend, my mask (a constant companion these days) and I went to REI a local co-op that sells outdoor supplies, it’s sort of my happy place, sad I know.

Anyone who’s hiked with me knows I wear a bandana.  Bandanas are great and serve multiple purposes, they are not just to make me look stylish.  The first bandana that I wore to Spain was named Batik and he decided he needed to stay at the end of the world after my first Camino.

Batik’s brother, Batik II is in the care of a good friend and I live vicariously through him whenever he gets to hike, wherever that may be.  Batik III is alive and well, he goes on all my hikes.

So, in a hopeful mood, I found Batik IV and V.  I didn’t really need two but there was this one lonely fellow sitting there all by himself which is probably why he was on sale so how could I dare leave him?

I can’t wait to take them out for a long hike, I’ll take them both as they’re fraternal twins and one can’t go and another stay, that would be unfair and thoughtless.  As I think about them, I’m hopeful and I find myself smiling.

I haven’t smiled enough these last many months, none of us have probably so, I will continue to smile and look ahead not back.  Me and the boys.

Flashback

My friend Chris, one of the Professors I met in 2017 on my Camino told me about a recently released Prime Video series called 3 Caminos.

The premise of the series is that 5 people meet while walking the Camino de Santiago in 2000 and become fast friends, not an uncommon experience I know personally.  The story carries on as the characters grow and mature.  They meet again on the Camino in 2006 and again in 2020. 

Many things change during the 20 years of the program, some for the better and some for the worse.  But the writers did a fair job of capturing the emotions, the conflict, relationships and hardships that real life people experience.  Things that you experience while living your life or walking the Camino which are one and the same.

I was particularly touched by the relationship between the characters of Luca and Roberto.  Many of us experienced similar bonds, bonds of friendship and compassion that spanned age, gender, and nationality.

While watching the next to last episode, they showed the Pilgrims climbing up towards O’C and the path up to the Galician Frontier.  Along this way, they show the beautiful valley that leads back towards Villafranca del Bierzo, to me a stunning view.

So beautiful that this path is where I chose to leave a stone for my Grandmother. It’s a black river rock, well smoothed with time and the actions of tumbling and being scrubbed by sand, water and other stones.

As the Pilgrims trudged up the path toward the frontier marker, I was looking at the few fence posts shown along the way…hoping to see the stone.  I didn’t, by now it may have fallen or have been moved but, for me, it will always be there.

Galicia with friends

When the Pilgrims arrived at the boundary marker, I paused the show and took out my iPhone and looked at the picture that my friend Katja took in 2019 and compared it to that in the movie, taped I guess in the Spring of 2020.  While they’d scrubbed a lot of graffiti off the marker, much was still there that I have in my picture.  Dumb as it may sound, it took me back there for a moment and made me smile.

I miss those moments and I miss the friendships and something as mundane as a short television program reminded me of just how much.

Be the storm

As we approach the end of an incredibility challenging year, I’ve begun reflecting on 2020, the year of COVID-19.  And while there are many things to be negative about, far too many, I can’t help but think about how others have dealt with adversity.

The Casa Ivar site (and others) is a place where Pilgrims, past, current, future and those who only dream can gather to pass on knowledge from our experience.  Future Pilgrims can ask questions to benefit from the experience of those who came before them.

It’s a place where those interested in the religious history and offerings of the Camino can bond and find community.  For the non-religious or those looking for a beautiful outdoor experience, it’s a place to learn and share.

For me and those like me, I’ve discovered that I’m not the only person who found and understood spirituality in a way I did not before.  This was possible because someone took the time to listen and share.  You may not believe in fate but that’s what led me to the Camino in 2017.

One thing that we all have in common is the 1000-year history of souls walking from their homes and trekking, for whatever reason and maybe reasons unknown, across Spain to Santiago de Compostela.

They did it, in most cases with literally nothing more than what they had on their backs.  They walked barefoot or in crude sandals.  They were preyed upon by thieves and bandits.  They survived malnutrition, disease, and pestilence.

Fortunately, most of us cannot claim the same difficulties but, we, in our modern ways endured our own hardships.  Those of us who have walked the Camino Francés or any of the other Caminos certainly saw or met Pilgrims suffering physically, mentally, spiritually or emotionally.

Many of us felt the pains brought on by 30 plus days of walking towards Santiago.  Blisters, sprains, illness, and fatigue.  For me, sore knees were my primary complaint.

But most of us journeyed on and persevered and we rejoiced, each in our own way, as we walked down the steps, bagpipe music washing over us, and into the Praza do Obradoiro.

A few may have been unimpressed; I don’t understand how but I accept their reality.  Most of us were full of awe.  The completion of a true pilgrimage for some.  For others, an accomplishment that they may have thought was beyond their ability.  For me, a journey that I did not know at the time that was unfinished and never ending.

Now, how did this diverse group accomplish this feat. How did people from Spain, Germany, the United States, Korea, Russia, Brazil and dozens of other countries survive, prosper, laugh, share and support one another?  What led them to the Camino?

Many believe there is divine guidance along this Way.  Maybe the Camino attracts the type of personalities who are naturally more social, amenable, caring or forgiving. There are though dozens of other possibilities and all reasonable explanations. 

For me, while all of the above are viable, the common thread is that we all shared the same goal.  Our reasons were as diverse as the nationalities and personalities of those on the Camino.  But we were all walking in the same direction and towards the same place.

 So, how does any of this relate to 2020, the year of COVID-19?  Sadly, even some of us who are veterans of the Camino have forgotten that spirit and instead have seen only the dark side of 2020.

We want to go out.  We don’t want to shelter in place.  We don’t want to wear a mask.  I think we can all say that we do and don’t want to do these things but, we must.

Like it or not, we’re all on this journey together.  And whether we realize it or not, we’re all headed in the same direction.  I can say with some confidence that we will all rejoice, in our own way when we finally reach the end and enter that far off plaza which is the end of this pandemic.

In my darkest moments, I think of that goal.  I look forward to going back out, with friends and without a mask.  Until then, and metaphorically, I keep walking west with the sun at my back and my shadow leading the way.

I help those that I can.  I accept help when I need it. I take care of myself and I think beyond myself.  I can do this because I know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Light at the end of the tunnel

There’s a quote by Jake Remington that goes like this: Fate whispers to the warrior.  “You cannot withstand the storm.”  The warrior whispers back.  “I am the storm.”

As we walked across Spain, the warrior in us got us over the mountains.  The warrior pushed us to take that next step, descend that steep hill.  The warrior accepted additional burdens when required.

So now, as we enter a difficult winter, I choose to be the warrior.  I will and we will persevere because, we are the storm, if we choose to be.

Be strong, be safe and we’ll soon hear the faint sound of bagpipes in the distance.

You’ll Never Walk Alone

Even with the best spin, 2020 has been an exceptionally bad year and sadly, it appears that 2021 will get off to a difficult start as well.

The world, challenged by the novel Corona Virus-19 has faced death, illness, separation, depression, and economic pressures amongst other things.  Amidst all of this, it is sometimes easy to forget that the “normal” challenges of life go on.

For many, the nutritional challenges that they live with have been compounded.  The economic impact worldwide has hit some segments of the economy much harder than others, many of whom are always working on thin margins.

Small businesses, restaurants, cafes, bars and hotels have disappeared, many permanently taking the people and families who ran them down with them.  For those of us who are veterans of the many Caminos, the albergues, bars and farmacias that we and future Pilgrims depend upon may never recover.  The Camino is a symbiotic environment, when on partner suffers, the other does as well.

Over the past 10 months, many of us have suffered loses not directly related to the virus but certainly impacted by it as loved ones became sick with non-COVID-19 related illnesses which required them to be treated in an environment of isolation and heightened fear.  Some recovered, others did not.  Many families never got to mourn or celebrate these lives lost because of restrictions on gatherings and physical distancing.

And, not to forget, the front-line workers.  Doctors, nurses, medical assistants, and those who make our medical facilities work are taxed beyond any capacity which can be sustained.

Yes, 2020 has been one Hell of a year.

I was listening to some of my music recently when I came across a song performed by Brittany Howard, formerly of Alabama Shakes called You’ll Never Walk Alone.  This song has been around for a long time, written by Oscar Hammerstein and Richard Rogers and performed originally by Gerry and the Pacemakers in 1963.

The song is about perseverance both individually and collectively.  As I listened to it, it immediately struck a chord with my inner Pilgrim. Climbing over the Pyrenees from St. Jean and down the steep valley to Roncesvalles.  Over the Alto del Perdon.  Across the Meseta on sore knees.  Up into Villafranca del Bierzo when the thermometer at the Farmicia said 40 (104 F).  Up to O’C and finally, across Galicia to Santiago.

Even when you think you’re all alone…

All done by personal perseverance, support and help of all sorts, both received and given along the way.  All of us who have walked the Way know this.  For those who have not yet made that journey, you’ll know it too, soon.

So here we are in a world wracked by the COVID virus and it’s taking a mighty toll in many ways.  Death, fear, isolation, anxiety, anger, sadness, depression and many other sad and freighting emotions.  After all this time, it’s easy to feel sorry for ourselves.

Some may ask; why is God doing this?  Why is this happening?  When will it ever end? Gods not doing this.  It’s not a conspiracy.  It’s certainly not a hoax.  It’s a virus.

We, as people, humans who occupy this planet we call Earth are not under some alien attack.  We’re facing a pandemic.  Not the first and not the last.  We’ve been challenged before by wars, plagues and economic disasters and we got through them and we’ll get through this challenge too.

…Look in front or behind

Our challenge is whether we get through it together or not.  Do we do our part and maybe, more than our part or do we refuse, deny, point fingers and fear the unknown.  Like the Camino, as I mentioned before, our world is a symbiotic place too.  We flourish together or we suffer and possibly, perish together.

So, my friends, as we enter what will be a long and hard winter, take the hand (metaphorically) of a friend or stranger in need.  Reach out and let someone know that you’re there and they’ll be okay.  Tell someone that you love them.  As difficult as it may be, resist the temptation to condemn those who may not believe in science or facts as the energy wasted in that effort, to me, can be spent more wisely elsewhere.

For all Pilgrims, whether you’ve walked the Camino de Santiago or not, the Pilgrim spirit lives within you.  Be strong.  If you’re a believer, stay faithful.  If like me you’re a spiritual being, trust in the goodness of those who share this world with us.  In these difficult times, be kind and thoughtful.  Most of all, be tolerant and hopeful.  Know that this bleak period will surely pass.

So, back to the song, I encourage you to listen to it, regardless of the artist performing it and I’ll leave you with this:

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark…

…Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone

The Rock

Anyone who is still paying attention knows that I have not written in a while, which may or may not be a good thing.  I just have not had much to say and certainly not much that was interesting or worth writing about.

It seems that Covid-19 fatigue has settled in on me and I’m finding it hard to shake.  Summer has turned to fall and soon I fear as Charles Dickins penned, it will be “the winter of despair”.  Sadly, there was no “spring of hope” before it and maybe not next year either.

I know that some of my outlook is colored by the death of my father.  We spread his ashes south of here along the shore of Lake Whitney, a place that for whatever reasons, is special to all of us. Before the brief ceremony, I walked along the shore with my grandson’s, watching them play and throw rocks into the choppy waters, much as my father did with me almost 60 years ago. His ashes are spread near where my mother’s parents’ ashes are spread.

My mother asked if we (my siblings and I) wanted some ashes to spread privately, my sister said yes, my bother no and I told my mom I’d find a rock to take with me on my return to the Camino, that would be my private moment.

Lot’s of things have come to an end this year; general happiness seems to be a victim of CV-19.  There is a song, I can’t remember the name, but a verse goes something like this; Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.  It didn’t say that the new beginning would be happy, I guess when I heard that song, I assumed that it would be happy but, as I write this, I realize that it may be a sad new beginning.  The danger with assuming…

Lot’s of things to be unhappy about this year.  I am an optimist; I do see the glass as half full.  I try to see the positive whenever possible.  But I must be honest, 2020 is making that very difficult, it is trying my soul.

So, the positive for me today is that I found a rock for my father at a place that he enjoyed and one which spoke to me.  I have time now to think and dream about where I will place it on my next trip to the Camino, maybe in the Pyrenees looking down into Spain.  Or, along the solitary way which is the Meseta.  Possibly where the Atlantic crashes against the shore at the end of the World.  I don’t know where but, I’m feeling a bit of joy just thinking about it.

We have very little control in the events of our lives.  Making new friends, losing old friends, life, or death, the weather.  We usually can’t control events like these.  I, we, can control how we respond to them, do we accept them or resist these changes.  So, I regain control by acknowledging that I’m not really in control and like everyone else, I’ll do the best I can with the cards I’m dealt.

Obsession?

People wonder and some have asked me, why are you obsessed with the Camino?  Or, for a non-believer, you spend a lot of time writing about a Catholic Pilgrimage route, why?

Part of their question(s) are valid but maybe a bit mis-stated.  I have no particular obsession with the Camino (or any other thing) but, I am very interested in what my time on the Camino offered me.  It is an evolving offering and an enduring challenge so yes, I do spent time thinking about this offering and, I choose to discuss it here, in my blog.

In my life and, I don’t think my life is that much different than most other people’s, certainly not other American’s, there have been phases in which we experience similar but different things.  For me, they’ve gone something like this.

  1. Birth to young adulthood was spent learning all the basic things that humans need to survive and thrive in the modern world.  Besides walking, talking and beginning to learn, there’s how to get along in groups, learning to become responsible for ourselves, education and finally, living on our own using the aforementioned tools.  Let’s face it, some do better than others even at this basic phase.  Some have access to mentors, education, and life tools that others don’t.  A basic but undeniable reality, these children had no choice in their situation, but it can doom them to a very different life than I’ve known.
  2. Young adulthood and this may overlap with the end of Phase 1 a bit but it’s the time where you have some freedom, you probably make a lot of mistakes because while you were taught certain things, you hadn’t really learned them until you fall and scrape you knee a few times.  Sometimes this phase laps into the next, relationships and marriage.  No matter how, it can be a very selfish time, a lot of me.  What I want, we still haven’t had to figure out the WE thing yet.
  3. For many, Phase 3 is both rewarding and destructive.  Rewarding because they begin their family.  You strive to provide for them, you want your children to be better off than you were, this was drilled into our heads.  To do this, you work, for most in the United States, both parents work.  Kids go off to school, mom goes to work and, in my case, I went to the airport far too often and was gone far too much.  It’s what the breadwinner does, right?  For some, this is where the destruction can begin.  Like an aging car, routine and required maintenance is overlooked or skipped all together.  Relationships suffer.  Our focus is often on the wrong thing, that promised shiny object called success or the American Dream, whatever that actually is.
  4. For those who survive Phase 3, this next phase is hopefully very rewarding.  The phase where the children leave home, the empty nest.  Often, this period is one of rebirth and rejuvenation.  There can be more expendable income, more time to do things like travel.  If you’re lucky, this phase lasts until the end, staying healthy in all senses of that word is important.
  5. I’m not going to spend much effort here for some, this can be a lonely and sad place.  The loss of a partner or your health.

At this point in my life, I’m in Phase 4.  Our children are grown and for the most part happy and healthy, we have grandchildren, we’re comfortable financially, and we’ve been able to travel and enjoy life…except this year.  I’m healthy which is critical to enjoying this part of my life.

This brings me to why my Camino of 2017 was so impactful to me.  For 2 years I got to plan (once I got to Spain, this all went out the window) and dream about being outside for an extended period of time, meeting people and loving life.

Preparing for this journey brought me great joy as I got to spend a lot of time outside with friends, walking ourselves into shape.  Really though, once we were in shape, it was building upon our friendship and, in my case, really getting to know Ann, someone I’ve “known” for years.  That has been an added joy.

Arriving in France and then into Spain, I was immediately challenged both mentally and physically.  I over came those challenges, a great emotional relief.

I also had time to think about me, who I was, am and want to be.  A rekindled interest in mindfulness that I’d been introduced to 40 years earlier.  I had time to focus on this with no phones ringing, no emails to respond to and no real responsibilities other than walk and prepare to do he same thing again tomorrow.  The simplicity was liberating in all senses of the word.  My mind was set free.

Friendships and camaraderie came easily, some of the people I met are now fixtures in my being.  Yes, I do not see them as much as I’d like but, they will always be with me and I can call them up in my mind (email or phone) when I need to.

All of these things have allowed me to realign my life and priorities, this is still a work in progress, as it should be, I suppose but, I believe it’s made me a better person.  It’s certainly made me a more spiritual person.

Don’t get me wrong, I did not have a religious conversion on the Camino.  I have come to realize, with help, encouragement and guidance that many of the things some credit to a faith, exist in all of us.  For my friends who believe, keep believing, I hope it makes you strong and your lives positive.  I too am feeling strong and positive, we share that.

Am I obsessed with my Camino?, no.  I am still learning from it every day, yes.  If that’s obsession, then I guess I need to change my answer or you need to change your question.

If what I’m doing and being is an obsession, you may want to join me on my ongoing Camino. The Fall of 2023 is calling.

Ever the optimist

While you may not be able to tell from my last many posts, I am actually a quite positive person.  Yes, many things have conspired to drag me down or, at least try to drag me down, I’ve decided that I will not allow that to happen.

To begin anew, I’ve decided to order new credential(s) for my long Camino in the Fall of 2023.  I ordered the Irish Credential, I saw on in 2017 and knew I needed one. I know, you can say, why get them now?  It’s a long time until the Fall of 2023 and, you’d be correct, it’s a bit over 3 years.

But, I’m optimistic and, it gives me something to look forward to, to plan for and to dream about.  Isn’t that really what living is about?  What’s next?  Where to?  When do we leave?  Why do I have to wait so long?

I’ve written previously about this long Camino, beginning in Lourdes and then taking the Camino Aragones through the Somport Pass and joining the Camino Francés in Puente la Reina.  From there, slowly meandering our way across Spain.  Looking for side trips, the road less travelled.

Phase 1

My friend Ann and I have talked about doing this, maybe mid-September to mid-November, a change of weather and seasons would be nice.  Maybe, I can convince Susan to join us.  I would be a miracle worker if I could do that but, I am an optimist.

Not having a true time constraint is going to be something to get used to, that factor was a motivation of its own, I always knew that I had to be finished by some date.  I guess my airline reservation will be my motivation, tickets can be changed though.

Who knows, maybe I’ll even volunteer as a Hospitalero, I’m very sure Susan will not get on board for that but, one can hope.

Sorry for the negativity, I’ll strive to be more forward thinking and continue to work on equanimity.

Back into the light

After what seems like a time of furious posting, I took a little time off to refocus.  During the last several months, with CV-19, the illness of my father and other personal disruptions, I think I poured all of my anxiety into my blog as a type of therapy.  For that, I apologize.

The day my father died, I spent an hour or so with him.  I held his hand and we talked, yes, I believe he was talking to me too.  I told him about my 2017 Camino, we’d discussed it a bit in the past, but I went into more detail.  It seemed very natural because life is very much like the Camino even in the sense that some believe that both life and the Camino continue after the physical end.

I also told my father about my return to Spain, a very different trip this past year.  I told him about placing a rock for my grandmother, his mother, on the way up to O’Cebreiro one of the days I walked with my friend Katja.

I also told him that when I return some day, I will place a rock for him someplace along the Way.  I think, he’ll enjoy the spot I choose, and I will always remember where it is.  I think he’ll enjoy watching the sun rise and set, the seasons changing and all the Pilgrims as they walk by.

This past year, I left a note and 2 talismans in a special place for my grandsons, Layden and Archer.  I’ve written a note with directions on where it is and how to find it, besides that note, only 2 people actually know where it is.  My hope is that they go to Spain and walk the Camino in search of my message and on their way, they remember their great-grandfather and his mother not knowing where their stones are so, I guess they are everywhere.

I hope I’m around to hear their stories.

Tread Softly

As Europe begins to open its borders and Pilgrims once again walk the Camino masked and physically distanced of course, I’m curious what the experience will be like.

The Camino, by its nature, is for most people a highly social event.  Will the smiles of joy be hidden away behind masks?  Will the laughter or the familiar greeting of Buen Camino be muffled beyond recognition?

Albergue life, always a close quarter activity will certainly become very much less so.  Communal kitchens and meals, are they for the time being a thing of the past?  Will the new fragrance of the Camino become the scent of hand sanitizer?

There’s a lot of physical contact on the Way, handshakes and hugs most notably and for those of faith, how will the Mass and communion experience change?  Will the very nature of the Camino as we knew it pre-Covid-19 be forever changed?

What about the weary and probably wary Spaniards, the hosts for all Pilgrims, how will they fare?  Understandably, I expect that most interactions will be a bit distant, certainly physically.  Will there be resentment towards the possibly infected visitors?  I hope not but I guess I can understand their fear and caution.  And how does one even begin to understand what must be a shocked populous of Santo Domingo de la Calzada?  With great care, I hope.

Finally, how will the 2020 Pilgrims act?  Will they be responsible, careful, thoughtful, sensitive, and respectful?  We all owe it to the people of Spain and those along the ancient Way to be all that and to tread softly.

I don’t have answers to any of these questions, I don’t think anyone does.  Pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela this year and quite possibly next is going to require more than physical stamina.

The entire world is being impacted by Covid-19.  We’ve all endured stay at home, social isolation, illness and far too many deaths.  Some have dealt with it better than others and are receiving a small reward in the form of an intermission between the first wave and the inevitable second.  Here in the U.S., not so much so we just pretend that all is good and our President creates some other controversy to distract.

The difference between Spain and the rest of Europe and specifically the Camino in northern Spain is that unlike other places, the world in not marching through your towns every day.  So, I believe that we all owe them our best.  We do in the best of times too.

I believe that most people who are drawn to the Camino are big hearted, thoughtful, helpful, sensitive, and generous (however they can be).  I hope that as the Camino once again hosts people from Europe first and then the rest of the world, we all amplify those good traits when dealing with everyone but most especially the people whose lives we have or will walk through each day.

Finally, whatever it may be currently, the Camino lives first in our hearts I believe and we as humans have been adapting from the beginning.  Enjoy the experience, whatever it happens to be.  Enjoy the outdoors and your physically distanced Camino family.  And, be kind every day.

These next couple of years will be very telling for us all, I hope as we look back one day, it somehow becomes a shining moment in our history as people and how we treated one another during these trying times. 

Be safe and, Buen Camino.

Also posted on the Casa Ivar blog.

Equanimity

For many years, I’ve practiced meditation and it’s been helpful to me in greater or lesser ways most of my life. I first learned to meditate while I was in High School when I was 16 (I’ve said 17 many times but I realized that I was mistaken). Until recently I thought that I was incorporating it into my life effectively but, I’ve come to realize that I was not. I was using it as a tactic instead of a strategy.

I used meditation as a way to deal with something, often stress but I used it as a response to that stress (tactical) instead of approaching it as a way to understand and avoid the things that caused the stress (strategic). This approach came about out of ignorance of the bigger picture of life, I was 16 at the time, I had no idea of the value of meditation as a holistic approach to life in general. I also had very little additional formal training.

I won’t bore you with long ago and far away so I’ll try to keep my thoughts more recent. For the last several months, I have, we have, all had to deal with many stressful situations created by the Covid-19 pandemic and the resulting shelter in place, shortages, separation, illness and for some, loss.

Personally and on top of this, my fathers illness has added another level of anxiety and sadness. For most of us, there’s also the juggling act with our friends and family which we call life.

For me, I’ve been resisting these things, pushing back against them in a desperate hope that they would somehow resolve themselves in a manner that was less stressful or painful, as if by magic.

I’m now beginning to understand that the more I resist the inevitable, things I have no power over or don’t deserve, the worse they become or the longer the pain lasts. Karl Jung said ‘what we resist, persists’, and I have a much better understanding of how true that is.

As I began to examine these things, I began to understand ‘equanimity’ or mental calmness, evenness and composure. I’m beginning to understand being chill.

I heard a good example of equanimity in real life. Your walking down the street when suddenly a group of very loud motorcycles approaches, becoming louder as they do. You can become annoyed by the noise and disruption and if caught off guard even startled. You resist the noise the intrusion, maybe it makes you mad or hostile. It (the noise) and they (the riders) are problems. The Dalai Lama would call this an afflictive response, it’s damaging and it’s damaging you and those around you..

On the other hand, you can accept the intrusion and realize that you can’t change the noise or circumstance and it will go away. Let it pass, calm yourself, don’t inflict mental/emotional damage on yourself and others. Seek equanimity.

As I examine these last many months, I realize that I have become afflictive and I am hurting myself and others as a result. I cannot change what’s going on in the the world regarding Covid-19. I cannot change single handily what’s going on in America regarding race relations but, I can do my part positively and I will in a calm way.

Also, I cannot change the course of my father’s disease. No matter how upset I become, how angry I stay, I cannot change the prognoses. I can do whatever I can to comfort him and my mother. I can make sure that he knows that I love him and I can tell him again how much he did and does for me. But, I must accept and not resist the reality.

In our personal lives, there are things that we want or wish for that can never be and, there’s nothing that we can do to change that. Life is not unfair, it is just life. So, I (we) can resist accepting these things and continue to hurt myself and others or, I can let these things wash over me and even through me. Accepting that they are there, looking for the best outcome for everyone even if it may be less than what you may have hoped for.

Please don’t misunderstand, accepting in this regard is not capitulation. I don’t mean quit and don’t try but, once you’ve exhausted all realistic options, there comes a time of acceptance. I think of the students who while walking to Roncesvalles from Saint Jean Pied de Port gave up and got a taxi. They mistook accepting that they could not do it instead of the reality that they could do it, it was just going to be difficult. Sadly, they probably never thought to accept the difficulty. A lesson there I think.

I did not understand it at the time but the Camino was a month long introduction to equanimity. I felt no stress. If it rained, it rained. The old Spaniard spelled it out when he told me that it didn’t matter what the forecast was for tomorrow because “I will work and you will walk”, a simple acceptance of reality. And, the rain never came so I was worried for no reason at all yet, still I worried needlessly.

Search as we may, sometimes we need a guide to help us see and understand what is right before our eyes.