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Nowhere to run, no where to hide…

I stopped writing, really for the past year because I had not motivation, nothing positive or interesting to write about and a lot of negative energy building up in me largely due to the relentlessness of the Covid-19 pandemic.

I wrote several months ago that I was not going to write about Covid again, apparently, I lied. This post, this story is very personal as I am now recovering from Covid-19 myself. I hope this offers a different perspective.

The title comes from a song made popular by Martha Reeves and the Vandellas and as far as I’m concerned, no truer words have ever been written when it comes to Covid-19 and all of its well-known variants, Α (alpha), Δ (delta) and ο (Omicron). Small bit of pandemic trivia, Omikron literally means, little O.

After taking every reasonable precaution for almost 2 years which included significant isolation, family bubbles, hand sanitation, mask wearing, vaccinations, boosters and pretty much everything else, I tested positive to Covid-19 two days after Christmas.

Several weeks before, the coach of the Dallas Cowboys football (American) team had tested positive as had several players on the team. In the Sports section of the Dallas Morning News Coach McCarthy said “once Covid gets in the locker room, it’s almost impossible to get it out”, or something very close to that. I didn’t think a lot about it at the time but clearly it stuck in my brain.

My reality isn’t that different. In our bubble, we all took precautions. We’re all vaccinated, including my grand-children and the adults, excepting my son-in-law are boosted. He’s not 6 months out yet from his 2^nd dose of the vaccination.

The weak link in our armor is probably our grand-children, if you have kids or grand-kids, probably yours too. While I can’t prove it, I strongly suspect that one of them was Covid positive but asymptomatic. We have family dinner almost every Sunday and we see both the kids regularly.

I expect that they then infected my wife who had very mild head-cold symptoms which passed quickly. The boy’s mother wasn’t feeling great on Christmas and on the next day, I got hit.

The Omicron variant is sneaky. It presents very much like a cold which if very different than alpha and delta. For me, I woke up on the day after Christmas, rode my Peloton with no problems and prepared for family dinner. Around 5:00, I felt a little fullness in my frontal sinus, nothing to note and especially when the cedar trees here in Texas are dropping pollen all over the place. I have allergies so a little sinus pressure is my norm.

The difference was that in 3-4 hours, I was fully congested and starting to feel some significant pressure. I did though sleep okay. So, from here, this is a synopsis of events up to now, a week later.

Monday, December 27^th: Very congested in the morning and felt warm, drinking my morning coffee made be break out in a heavy sweat. We don’t have a thermometer, but I knew I was feverish. The rapid onset of the symptoms and the fever was a real red-flag. Getting tested in Dallas, the entire U.S. actually is not easy. I did get an appointment at a local health center for 6:00 to get tested. Spoiler alert, I was positive. I shared the good news which went over like a turd in the punch bowl. It also caused very negative reactions within my family bubble, that’s another story.

Tuesday, December 28^th: While the day began on a reasonable note, it quickly became a bad day. Fever persisted, congestion was heavy, I had aches and headache and I was very tired. My sinuses were not just full but burning. I slept off and on most of the day because I had not slept so well the night before. I hoped this was the worst day, but it was only day 2 after becoming symptomatic. I was thirsty constantly, probably from the fever but maybe from the copious amounts of drainage from my nose but also my mouth was watering and my eyes running. All fluid, I guess.

Wednesday, December 29^th: This was by far the worst day for me. My fever persisted as did the congestion and the pain in both my frontal and maxillary sinuses. All the disgusting drainage continued as well. The pain was so bad that besides over the counter analgesics, I was using visualization, a meditation technique, to help. I literally visualized the battle between Covid and my white blood cells on the in breath and on the out breath, I visualized the virus fleeing, retreating. It helped and I know some of you may not get it while others will. No sleep again and I watched the hours go by blowing my nose every 5 minutes it seemed.

Thursday, December 30^th: The morning was miserable, I was in and out of bed trying to sleep, nap, snooze, whatever I could get. Later in the day though, I thought I sensed a change. The pain had subsided as had the pressure and I didn’t feel as feverish. To me it was like cresting a hill on a bike. At the top, you don’t instantly get the down hill relief, you have to first sort of plateau and then the coast down the other side begins.

Friday, December 31^st: Sleep, glorious sleep! To the best of my knowledge, I slept through the night. My sinuses were clearing, the pain was gone but the fatigue persisted. I’ll take the gain and deal with the lingering effects. I was hoping the worst was over but didn’t know, never had Covid before. No great party but did feel well enough to watch the new (old) 007 movie on Amazon Prime, it was worth the $5.99. Still lights out by 11:00.

Saturday, January 1^st: Happy New Year (?), I hope. About the same today as yesterday, a little congestion has returned but nothing like the other, this may actually be the good old rhino-virus taking advantage of a weakened immune system. Drainage again and a cough which I had not had before. When the drainage stops the cough subsides, so I hope it’s non-Covid related. Did a few things around the house, still a bit fatigued but not as bad. Progress is slow, I guess.

As I write this on January 2^nd, the day started very cold, our first real cold snap of the season. I slept through the night but woke up early with the cough. I didn’t want to wake Susan, so I got out of bed. By the way, we did not quarantine from each other as we both suspected that she’d already been infected and so far, she’s fine. A little passing congestion along my it’s partner…drainage. I will not miss that.

My thoughts on all of this is that if you’re around anyone with cold like symptoms, suspect Covid. So far, my grandsons have tested negative, but we suspect they were probably positive and asymptomatic 2 weeks ago. Little kids with snotty noses are common now though, more attention should be paid. Their mother is positive. My other daughter and son-in-law are positive and of course, so am I although I’m scheduled to be tested again on Thursday which is 11 days after my symptoms occurred.

No matter how careful you are, there’s no place to run to, no place to hide! I’m now convinced that we will all become infected, and the outcome is directly related to your vaccination status. How sick do you want to be potentially?

My experience was the head cold from Hell, but I survived it with no serious complications. What do you want your experience to be?

Living life dangerously

After what seemed like months, actually, it was months, Susan and I decided to venture out of confinement to visit the Kimbell Art Museum to see and exhibit featuring Italian masterpieces from the Capodimonte Museum in Naples, Italy. Ironically, we’d visited the same museum to see another exhibit just before the stay at home order, what I refer to as B.C., Before Covid.

We have, for the most part still stayed home as much as possible. Unlike my friends in the U.K. and the E.U., we American’s took it upon ourselves to act like petulant children in a world ravished by CV-19. And, while my friends in Europe are enjoying some relaxation, where I live in Dallas County, Texas, well, we’re finally starting to lower the infection rate. Many parts of Texas are not.

With this in mind and combined with a raging case of Cabin Fever, we decided to take our chances, it was that or self-commit for evaluation.

The Kimball is a beautiful setting and the exhibit of about 50 pieces was well done as usual and, sadly/fortunately, depending upon your perspective, was lightly attended on this Saturday morning. Great if you were there to see the exhibit, bad for the Kimball who must try to make some money off the exhibit.

Afterwards, feeling a bit bold, we decided to have lunch at the Trinity Grove, they have a lot of outdoor seating in the shade, especially important in August. Once again, we were able to find a table, plenty of space and we did enjoy our 2^nd meal out since March 7^th, almost exactly 5 months.

What my trip back to the Kimball really did was remind me of how much things have changed in those 5 months. Obviously, CV-19, and all that it has wrought worldwide.

When I visited back in February, my father had not been diagnosed and now, he’s died almost 2 months ago now.

Vacations have been cancelled including a visit by my friend Katja, she’s busy and has lots of places she wants to visit so I don’t know if Texas will be back on her list.

Our trip to France, first planned for May and then rescheduled for September and now, off the calendar completely. Don’t know if we’ll look at that next year or possibly visit Dawn and Nallie in South Africa (a ‘S’ country by the way).

Who knows what the rest of the year will look like? I expect with the election in November fast approaching, it will be an ugly political season.

What my return to the Kimball also offered me was a revisit to my friend, the Seated Arhat. I’d seen it in February and for some reason, it’s just stayed with me. What I realized though was that I did not need to see the Arhat, what it had offered me is still with me. An Arhat is a guide, and I have my guide, it’s an integral part of me now, maybe I had it all the time and I just had to realize it. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.

This terrible year I’ve found is just 1 year and, there must be some good in it somewhere. Either way, I can’t change it. So, it’s become another lesson in equanimity. Something else to let go of, stop resisting and to just let it flow by and through me. I must believe that tomorrow will be better than today because if I did not, I would lose all hope. So, I do believe that the future will be better.

Finally, we need 2020 v.2 because the current version has a virus.

Zoom (not the video app)

Even for me, this is way off the track but, this damn song has been going through my head since I heard it yesterday.

If you’re 55 or younger, you’ve probably never heard Zoom before, it was released in 1977 by the Commodores the lead singer is Lionel Richie, before he went solo. I was working on a project and listening to music yesterday, I had my iPhone music set on random and up it came, I didn’t even remember that I had it.

Zoom is pure 70’s Soul/R&B with a little Funk mixed in. It’s very smooth and very relaxing and, if you’re really unlucky, it will keep playing in your head all night long. Oh well, I’ve had worse music playing through my head. Very big on the dance floor back in the day, it was slow and long.

So, in the age of Covid-19, go ahead and Zoom, fly far away from here…

Walking with a friend

As far as I’m concerned, there’s very little better than the simple act of walking with a friend. Just being outside sets a great tone but to do it with a friend or friends, well you just can’t beat that.

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to take a hike in Meridian State Park about 70 miles south of the Dallas-Ft Worth (DFW) metro area. As you probably know, Texas and the DFW area is being hit hard by the Covid-19 virus so, for those of us with any sense, we haven’t had the opportunity to get out much this year. Sadly, I don’t see that changing for quite some time with the possibility of another stay at home order.

With that said, getting out in this fairly isolated park was just what I needed. Usually, I do these walks by myself but this time, my brother-in-law decided to go with me. Mike has been part of my family since he started dating my sister in the 70’s and they’ve been married since 1977 so, he’s as much my bother as my blood brother is.

We took off early, it’s July in Texas so out of self defense from the heat, most outdoor activities occur early in the morning. The park is about 10 miles from my brother’s ranch, so it took no time to get there, we were on the trail by 06:30. Mike walks on paved walking/biking paths near his home so he only had athletic shoes to wear, he would find out why I wear my Keen’s later.

Central Texas is rugged country, limestone is everywhere and when you’re ascending or descending, the ever present greyish white stone can be difficult to navigate. It was though nice to once again hear the crunching of the gravel under my boots, it’s become a very Zen experience for me and a joy I discovered on the Camino.

There are a couple trails, the longer Bosque Trail wanders around Lake Meridian through the woods (bosque) and up and down the canyons and ravines that feed run off rainwater into the man-made lake. In Texas, the person in front gets to watch for snakes and also gets to clear the trail of cobwebs as you walk down the trail. I saw no snakes on this trip, but I found every cobweb in the park.

In my posts about my 2017 Camino, I mentioned that it seemed as if every morning, Old Santiago planned a little early morning wake me up climb. Apparently, he did the same Saturday morning. All in all, it was not a big climb but, it did get the heart pumping.

Mike also got to find out that walking on smooth and level paths is very different than walking on natural paths, uneven surfaces and with steady elevation changes. Unfortunately, he took a fall as he lost his footing coming down an incline. No serious damage fortunately but he is going to invest in some boots. I hope he does and that he joins us on more of our hikes…whenever that is.

I enjoyed sharing my joy of hiking with Mike and, other than the fall, I think he enjoyed it too. He was surprised to find that we’d done all of this in about two hours. He was also surprised at how sore he was. Like I said, walking on level ground is very different than walking in the wild. But, we all know, it get’s easier if you keep at it.

Mike’s welcome anytime, who knows, maybe I can convince him to come walk the Camino with me in 2023. I can be pretty persuasive when I want to be. Right Mr. G?

I hope to do another hike soon and the Professors are interested as well. The Government Canyon State Natural Area is north of San Antonio and has several very nice trails. The area is wild and it the recharge area for the Edwards Aquafer. It’s also very close to Enchanted Rock, a big plus. Probably have to be in the Fall as it’s getting very hot now, and, there’s that other thing.

Death be not proud

My father died on the evening of June 17th. Donald Jones was born on September 1, 1935 in the middle of the Depression in rural Dardanelle, Arkansas.

He died in Lake Kiowa, Texas from biliary cancer. Fortunately, to the end, he said that he was not in pain. The disease though did rob him of strength, he lost weight and the jaundice caused by his failing liver left him very yellow.

This though is not how I choose to remember my father. Instead, I see the man who helped teach me to walk and talk. The man who taught me how to swim and helped me learn how to ride a bicycle. I will remember the man, who along with my grand-father, taught me how to fish.

I want to remember the man who taught me how to throw, catch and hit a baseball. I will remember the man who taught me how to water ski. I would say the man that taught me how to drive a car but for that, I owe my mother. I will remember the man who attempted to teach me algebra, he failed because algebra is Satan’s special hell.

My father liked to watch the Texas Rangers baseball team on television. He could tolerate the Dallas Cowboys football team but in the last many years he had to hold his nose, like the rest of us as they stunk of the Eastern Conference.

My father taught me life lessons as well. I wasn’t always the best student but eventually, I think I got most of it. My father taught these lessons by explaining why you should or shouldn’t, the consequences or potential consequences and most of the time, he then left you on your own to figure out what to do.

I only had one really bad blow out with my father, mostly because I was 18 and stupid which when it comes to young males may be redundant. So long ago, it’s hardly worth mentioning.

I didn’t care for his politics but then, he didn’t care for mine either. We finally decided that we were best just not to discuss that subject and, we didn’t.

I choose to remember the man, the person that he was and not the disease that made him someone else that robbed him of his health and dignity.

My father had 3 children, 5 grand-children and 7 great grand-children. I loved my father and I will miss him very much.

Death be not proud, though some have called thee Mighty and dreadful, for thou are not so;

John Donne

CV-19 Fashion

Well, we can’t be depressed about this thing forever. A friend sent this to me and you don’t have to understand a word to see the humor. I hope it makes you laugh or, maybe a little smile?

Lies, damned lies and statistics

Mark Twain is attributed with popularizing this phrase, the original user is not known for sure but many have been credited with it. The point of the phrase is that numbers are a powerful tool to an argument, especially one that is weak on facts. So, here’s another dose of a weak argument using statistics to bolster a case.

I have for a long time wondered how come my t-shirts always seemed to be inside out after a wash/dry cycle. First I thought that it was just my imagination but at 63, I’ve turned a lot of shirts right-side out over the years and it was just too evident that something was amiss, T-Shirt Magic I’ll call it.

So, over the last several months I’ve conducted extensive research and non-peer reviewed “scientific” research with my associate, Ariel (she’s a cat). Here’s the results of our research. (This is heady stuff so pay attention)

The sample size (N) was 40 t-shirts of all types mostly cotton or a cotton blend but also some of my synthetic rapid dry Camino shirts as well. My methodology was to put 40 shirts over several weeks through the wash/dry cycle. First, all the shirts were right-side out. Next sampling, all the shirts were inside-out. The last test, the shirts were in whatever configuration they came out of the clothes hamper.

The results were interesting and I think both beautiful and perfect (to quote President Ass Clown).

Of the 40 shirts that started right-side out, only 18 (45%) came out the same way and 22 (55%) were inside out.

Of the 40 shirts that started inside-out, 17 (42.5%) came out right-side out and 23 (57.5%) remained inside-out.

Finally, of the random selection, 15 (37.5%) were right-side out and 25 (62.5%) were inside-out.

Now, I know what you’re saying and it’s not Wow! that’s ground breaking work you’ve done. No, it’s more like “who cares?” and/or, “you need a life”. You’re probably right but, next time you think that your shirts are always inside out after a wash/dry cycle don’t think you’re crazy because the statistics support your belief. So there!

I hope in these stressful times this inane attempt at humor brought a smile, even if only a small one, to your face. Stay healthy!

President Ass Clown, A Commentary

I got up this morning and realized that it was a beautiful day and decided that I needed to get outside for a walk. The Katy Trail now has a system where on Monday-Wednesday anyone can walk. On Thursday and Saturday people whose last name begins with A-M can walk and those that begin with N-Z are supposed to use it on Friday and Sunday. It probably looked good on paper but in practice it’s stupid.

If you voted for Trump or watch Fox News, stop reading now.

As I was thinking about this silly plan my mind wandered to the President and his childish and ridiculous actions. I forgot dangerous so let’s add that too. Notice I said the President and not my President because for the first time in my adult life the President is not my President. He never intended to be the President of the entire United States so why do I have to claim him as my President? He was elected because some people are just dumb, others were complacent, lazy or thought Jill Stein was a good protest vote (special thanks to this group especially). That’s water under the bridge, come on November.

So, as many of you know, last Thursday, the Ass Clown* who occupies the White House, during one of his rambling incoherent diatribes which he calls his daily Covid-19 update suggested that disinfectants, which kill the virus (unknown) in minutes or UV light or just bright light could somehow be put into the body to kill the virus. You can’t make this stuff up, really. So scary that the makers of Lysol put out a statement saying don’t ingest any of they’re cleaning products.

Back in 1976, there was another virus which caused the swine flu, it was feared that it would become a pandemic. I was at the University of Minnesota at the time and they lined us up and vaccinated thousands of people each week.

Gerald Ford was President and I remember a picture of him, sleeve rolled up, getting his vaccination. We call that leading, something the current occupant knows nothing about.

So, President Ass Clown, here’s your opportunity to lead. Tomorrow, in your favorite paper, the New York Times, I hope to see a picture of you taking a big swing of Lysol with a light bulb shoved up your ass. Please remember to remove your head first.

Until then, please stop talking.

*Ass Clown: someone who doesn’t know what the hell they are talking about, makes stupid BS comments, pisses people off, and has no idea that everyone thinks this about them. (Urban Dictionary)

Resistance

For a while now, certainly for the last week, I’ve been in a pretty deep funk, maybe even a little depressed. There’s a lot of negative things happening on many levels. The sense of isolation brought on by CV-19 is a shared pain, the health issues with my father is a very personal bit of confinement. And then, there’s everything in between.

Early on, way back in 2017, as I climbed over the Pyrenees on a blustery Day 1 of my first Camino, I became very aware of how damaging negativity can be. I think we all sort of know that but, we don’t always take control of it, resist it. So, after being pulled back down towards that pit, I am now actively resisting it once again.

To that end, I found a YouTube show called Travels by Narrow Boat, I’ve just finished Season One (there are several seasons, who could have imagined). The show is about a guy who was burned out on life, divorced and maybe a little middle-aged crazy who cashes out and buys a narrow boat on the canals of England.

As with many YouTube shows, it’s not always well done (single camera), there’s no script or plan. It gets better with time or, I got used to it, I don’t know which it is, maybe both.

Kevin Shelley is the Country House Gent (CHG) who produces, writes (?), directs and stars in the show. Season One took him out of his van as he navigates first the purchase of and then his maiden voyage on the Aslan.

From there the show, 10 episodes I believe, takes him through what at first is the monotonous chugging of the 2-cylinder diesel engine as he cruises aimlessly thorough central England and apparently a million locks.

It took me until the third episode to catch on to the simplicity and when I realized the monotony was not that but it was a relief, a calm, where even the constant and ever present chugging of the diesel engine becomes very meditative like the mantra of his journey.

I then realized that it was very much like the Camino for a Pilgrim. It was an adjustment, a shock to the system and a slowing of pace. Once he’d slowed down, suddenly things that once seemed important were not and pedestrian things like ducks, not knowing what day it was and working the locks became normal and valuable. People became more important and things less so. While the boat is larger than a backpack, his existence in that moment is basic and simple. Kevin discovers mindfulness.

In the final show, the CHG and the Aslan arrive in Chester, near Liverpool. As he travels on that last day, he realizes the joy of arrival, even as he’s been there before but he never saw it from this vantage point. Like walking across Spain where you saw everything in normal time and at eye level, he sees Chester very differently. He also sees his life very differently as well.

Kevin also laments the end of his journey but, as many of us have discovered, sometimes the end of a journey is just in fact, the beginning of the next. Please refer to my post, Vanishing Point. Obviously, he has more journeys as there are several seasons now but, it’s interesting to hear him reflect on the changes he’s experienced and how his journey has colored his view of the world. Most Pilgrims I believe can relate very well to his change and growth.

Oddly, the program has restored some calm in my life. I enjoyed watching the scenery and appreciating his discovery of this new point of view. I also had to laugh that he always seemed to be in the same clothes. On my 2017 Camino, I took 3 t-shirts, but it seems that in most of the pictures that I’m in, I always appear in the same one. I changed shirts everyday but you could not tell by the pictures. Same with the CHG.

The worlds gone mad and we’re all in time-out wearing masks. You’ve got time and if you’re patient, you may enjoy Travels by Narrow Boat too. Or, you may think its total rubbish and wonder why in hell anyone would bother to watch. You’ll never know until you give it a try.

The Wall

I realize that the U.S. has not been as severely restrained as much of the rest of the world. My friends in Italy and Spain and to a lesser degree those in France and Germany have endured far worse with many more restrictions but, today I feel really isolated and confined.

Generally, I am a glass half full kind of person, I try to see the positive whenever possible in difficult situations. I can’t do that today. It seems like the walls are closing in around me in so many ways.

The physical limitations requested to limit trips outside your home wherever possible is the most obvious restraint. I’ve tried hard to go beyond the shelter in place and maybe that’s part of the problem, I need to be outside more.

Those restrictions lead to the inevitable loss of physical contact with friends and family, it’s been weeks since I’ve seen my closest friends, people who I’m used to seeing on a regular basis.

The ongoing medical situation with my father is also weighing heavily upon me. The shelter in place has not allowed me to see him except one day last week, in a parking lot, from about 10 feet and only for a few minutes. I just heard that he’s back in the hospital and with the CV-19 situation, even my mother can’t be with him. My sister, a nurse, is not optimistic.

I’m not used to being inactive at work but it’s just so slow. Calls to prospects go unanswered as businesses are shut down. Voicemail boxes are full, emails not responded to. I still feel like I should be at my desk so, I am.

As I said, I’m generally a very positive person but today, the last several days, I just have this sense of helplessness and dread. Maybe this blog is my therapy, getting some of this off my chest, saying them out loud seems to help.

It’s a cool but beautiful day here in Dallas. I’ll focus on that.