Lost Maples…found self

After months of almost no outdoor activity, I finally got a long weekend of hiking in the Hill Country of Texas.  For those who don’t know, the Hill Country is in south-central Texas west of Austin and San Antonio.  It’s rough but beautiful country which looks dry but has many natural springs and spring fed rivers running through deep cuts and canyons.  I think you either love it or hate it.  I love it.

Texas Hill Country

We spent our long weekend at the Lost Maples State Natural Area which is near Vanderpool.  Vanderpool is basically a crossroads with a Post Office and a Catholic Church and that’s it.

Our cabin was about a mile from the park entrance and my friends, The Professors (Chris & Steve) were staying in their RV they call Ted about 3 miles away.  The general social hub was our cabin which my friend and hiking buddy Ann shared.

This time of year, the weather is variable, and it certainly was on this trip.  Friday was warm, 85/30 and partly cloudy.  The clouds did burn off later in the day and the Texas sun did make its presence known.

The park is not huge, relatively, and has two primary trails, the West Trail and the East Trail with a smaller West Loop Trail and the East-West Trail which connects the trails. A short trail, the Maple Trail is the very scenic trail with a grove of Maple trees which are beautiful during the Fall.  We started our day Friday on the Maple trail which parallels part of the East Trail before merging with it.  A small stream and the Maple grove separates the two.

The beginning of the hike was relatively level as you walk along the very rocky path, limestone rocks and boulders are tread on, over and around.  A fall would be painful, and your feet feel each step, even in good boots.

In Texas, you always have to keep your eyes open

This part of the hike rewarded us with getting to see Monkey Rock.  This is a totally naturally occurring formation created by the limestone being eroded by both wind and water…it really does look like a monkey.

Monkey Rock

From there, we began a steep uphill climb, more like a scramble and over a relatively short distance, we climbed about 500 feet/150 m up the rocky face to the plateau.  We discovered or, accepted that we were not in the condition that we once were.  I was happy though that I did well and that my right knee gave me no problems.

From this high plateau, we could take in the incredible views in all directions with almost nothing man-made to interrupt the scene.  This is what the Native Americans saw and what the Spaniards feared as they crossed this part of Texas looking for El Dorado.

Up to the plateau

The descent was more treacherous than the ascent and the trail that we saw from the top which looked easy, was not.  The trail ended at a clear pool created by several springs making their way to the Sabinal River.  The East-West trail took us to our car marking the end to an adventurous 4.5-hour hike.  We were tired, a bit sore, hungry and I was looking for the best beer I’d ever had in the world, today.

Long way up or down
the best beer…you know the rest

As I mentioned before, the weather in Texas is quite variable this time of year and later in the evening, as we prepared fajitas and margaritas as cold front that was supposed to stall further north moved through the area bringing some mist, gusting winds and much cooler weather.  The morning was going to be quite cool, about 49/10.

As promised, the weather was cool with low clouds and some light winds.  A breakfrast of Gallo Pinot would be just what was called for.  Gallo Pinto is a hearty rice and black bean staple from Costa Rica, its good.  Becky and her friend Joy joined us and after breakfast, we left for the park.

To begin this hike, we would retrace part of our hike the day before up the East-West trail where we would branch off on to the West Trail.  We’d walk gently up hill following a dry creek bed through a canopy of Oak, Big Tooth Maple, Bald Cypress and Sycamore trees.

As always, there was a steep climb up to the plateau and a short walk across the mesa and then a sharp decent into the Mystic Canyon, it is appropriately named.  Deep down, in the quiet, you could hear the gentle gurgle of a hidden spring fed creek as it ran down the canyon.  The limestone was carved by eons of water rushing past illustrating how dangerous it would be to be caught in a downpour and flash flood.

Water carved cave

As we made our way gently downhill, through the trees and under-story, we came across a beautiful spring and pool with crystal clear, cool water.  In this part of Texas, water meant life for all creatures and I’m sure this area was visited by all type of creatures including humans.

We relaxed and enjoyed the simple beauty and enjoyed the soothing sound of water running over the rocks and falling lyrically into the pool. 

We could see through the trees that the sun was beginning to burn through the clouds, and it threw gentle shadows on the leaves of the forest floor.  Light flickering here and there and darting from place to place.  Lending more credence to the name, Mystic Canyon.

We began our walk out of this canyon with streams and fern lined grottos following the well-worn path to the spring pool where we once again found the East-West Trail and on to the parking area.

We sat and talked for a while, Becky and Joy left to explore the area and we left to clean up, have some lunch and figure out how to spend the rest of what had become a beautiful day.

Some may find it strange that Texas is the number 2 producer of grapes for wine after California and this are is full of vineyards and wineries.  The area is very rocky and like parts of southwest France except it gets much hotter and the harvest occurs in July.

Near our cabin, the Lost Maples Winery called to us.  Outdoors, in a shaded and physically distanced setting, we purchased a couple bottles of wine and wiled away the afternoon enjoying the autumn day, the sunshine and company, it was time well spent.

Cheers!

I thoroughly enjoyed my trip to Lost Maples, and I hope to return there soon, maybe with Leighton and Renee who stayed home and were working as volunteers at a voting place.

I needed this escape physically, mentally and emotionally.  2020 with CV-19 and the election here in the U.S. has taken its toll.  A year lost to CV-19, separation and fear add up to a lot of stress.

But, with that said, I want to leave you with 10 seconds of calm…

10 Seconds of Calm

The Rock

Anyone who is still paying attention knows that I have not written in a while, which may or may not be a good thing.  I just have not had much to say and certainly not much that was interesting or worth writing about.

It seems that Covid-19 fatigue has settled in on me and I’m finding it hard to shake.  Summer has turned to fall and soon I fear as Charles Dickins penned, it will be “the winter of despair”.  Sadly, there was no “spring of hope” before it and maybe not next year either.

I know that some of my outlook is colored by the death of my father.  We spread his ashes south of here along the shore of Lake Whitney, a place that for whatever reasons, is special to all of us. Before the brief ceremony, I walked along the shore with my grandson’s, watching them play and throw rocks into the choppy waters, much as my father did with me almost 60 years ago. His ashes are spread near where my mother’s parents’ ashes are spread.

My mother asked if we (my siblings and I) wanted some ashes to spread privately, my sister said yes, my bother no and I told my mom I’d find a rock to take with me on my return to the Camino, that would be my private moment.

Lot’s of things have come to an end this year; general happiness seems to be a victim of CV-19.  There is a song, I can’t remember the name, but a verse goes something like this; Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.  It didn’t say that the new beginning would be happy, I guess when I heard that song, I assumed that it would be happy but, as I write this, I realize that it may be a sad new beginning.  The danger with assuming…

Lot’s of things to be unhappy about this year.  I am an optimist; I do see the glass as half full.  I try to see the positive whenever possible.  But I must be honest, 2020 is making that very difficult, it is trying my soul.

So, the positive for me today is that I found a rock for my father at a place that he enjoyed and one which spoke to me.  I have time now to think and dream about where I will place it on my next trip to the Camino, maybe in the Pyrenees looking down into Spain.  Or, along the solitary way which is the Meseta.  Possibly where the Atlantic crashes against the shore at the end of the World.  I don’t know where but, I’m feeling a bit of joy just thinking about it.

We have very little control in the events of our lives.  Making new friends, losing old friends, life, or death, the weather.  We usually can’t control events like these.  I, we, can control how we respond to them, do we accept them or resist these changes.  So, I regain control by acknowledging that I’m not really in control and like everyone else, I’ll do the best I can with the cards I’m dealt.

#Covidiots

I’m currently sitting in our Condo in Destin, Florida surrounded by Covidiots from many of the surrounding states including Alabama, Mississsippi, Georgia and others I’m sure.

The residents of Florida and the surrounding states have railed against the requirements regarding the Corona Virus 19. Most of these states have very few restrictions regarding physical distancing and the wearing of masks. Sadly, their infection rates reflect that reflect their lax attitude.

We arrived on Thursday having travelled through Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and finally across the panhandle of Florida. While both Texas and Louisiana seemed to be adhering to some protocols, the minute we arrived in Mississippi, we were surrounded by Covidiots.

No masks or, masks on chins, groups of people hanging out together often arriving in trucks with either a Trump or NRA bumper sticker, sometimes both.

We’ve tried to be very careful while here, masks on all the time, no dining out, takeout only, no shopping except for essentials for the condo. We wanted to see our son in law before he left.

I went to pick up breakfast from a place called the Donut Hole Bakery & Restaurant yesterday morning. When we got there, Susan stayed in the car, there was a line of unmasked people waiting to get in. Fortunately, the line was for indoor dining (no masks required and few seen except on the staff) and there was a separate line for takeout.

I placed my order and sat, arms crossed, touching nothing, with my mask on. As I sat there, I realize how uncomfortable I was around these people who clearly care nothing for their health or that of others. For the first time since the pandemic started, I felt uncomfortable even unsafe.

We came here for one reason and one reason only and I cannot envision any reason that I would want to come back. People who show so much disregard and even ignorance are not the people I want to be around and if this is what the State of Florida stands for, I see no reason to spend any money here.

They call this area of Florida the Redneck Riviera for good reason, in my estimation, it’s overachieving in that regard. Sadly, many of these backwards morons probably have no insurance and when they become sick, they will be the first at the hospital crying for help paid for by others because they were too damn dumb to take simple precautions. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in universal healthcare but, that requires all participating in the expense that comes with that coverage. I may be wrong but most people here probably refer to universal healthcare as a socialist take over. If they ever need it though, they’ll be begging for a little “socialism”. That’s and editorial but it is my blog.

I’m sorry for this dark post but, it is sad and scary to see such low regard for the realities of COVID. These people are making choices and they are bad choices.

Back home to Dallas on Monday, not much better but…

Normalcy?

Yesterday, I finally felt a sense of normalcy, outside with friends, experienced Pilgrims and soon-to-be Pilgrims.  For a brief while, on the trail, no masks but a respectable distance it seemed like BC (Before COVID).

The Professors were taking a group of students back to Huntsville State Park, the last place we went BC.  This group of students with the exception or Roy from our February trip was a new group.

Three of them are going to go with Chris to Spain and the Camino next year, maybe?  All depends on the state of the world and vaccines as well as humans behaving themselves for the next 9-10 months.  I was encouraged that some just wanted to hike and had heard about Chris on campus so, they joined in too.

It’s encouraging that even with the state of the world currently, these young people are still optimistic about getting to go to Spain next May.  They were excited and curious and maybe a bit concerned about being in shape.

We didn’t walk 10 miles/16k this time and it’s a good thing, unused legs, knees and feet reminded most of us that we’ve not been as active as we needed to be.  I may not still deserve my Ziegenbruder nickname but, I’m going to hold on to it anyway.  Even with this, when we finished, Ann produced the best beer I’ve ever had in the world…today.  It was a good day, I’m glad I could go down, if only for the day.

For those 6 hours, I could remember what it had been like before this plague and looked forward to the day that we can once again go out, hike, go to dinner or the theatre or just speak with a neighbor, without a mask.

I will not and have not resisted the reality, I know that resistance is futile and, it only hurts me.  So, I look towards the future and our trip to Lost Maples State Natural Area in the Hill Country and to the future free of CV-19.

Like a rock

September 1st was my father’s birthday and it was a somber day for me, I wrote about it and I now have to keep looking forward.

Luckily, September 2nd is my friend Bill’s birthday.  He and I were both born in 1956, two weeks and a thousand miles apart.  So, he’s my brother from another mother.  Bill and I have been friends since the day after my birthday in 1972. If you asked him today what we were talking about that day, he could tell you. 

Because our birthdays are exactly 2 weeks apart, we used to have a party on September 9th, a co-birthday party. We used to make some rocking brownies.

While we don’t get to see each other as much as I’d like, we can still pick up conversations from months ago as if they had just occurred.  We try to go to a Minnesota Gopher’s football (American football) game each year, that won’t be happening this year sadly.

Bill’s father died 20 plus years ago, I was glad I could be there for him.  I know that were things different, he would have been here when my father died earlier this year.  He could not be here, but he made a point of calling regularly during his illness and in the weeks after his death.  It meant a lot to me.

For me, friendships like mine with Bill and a few other people in my life are deep and binding.  There’s very little I would not do for these friends.  Friendship at this level can be deeply rooted in time but, for some reason, for me, they can just happen.  That doesn’t happen often but sometimes you just know.  At least I do anyway.

For my friend Bill, Happy Birthday.  Maybe, if the Big 10 plays football this winter, I’ll put on my long-johns and we can freeze our butts off at TCF Stadium watching Minnesota beat Ohio State.

I love you Buddy, thank you for your friendship.

Out of sorts

Today would have been my father’s 85th birthday. I don’t know from first hand experience but I suspect that these milestones, birthdays, holidays, etc. will be difficult at first. He died a couple days before father’s day, that was a tough day for me.

So, I take a deep breath and think about all of the birthday’s that we were able to share. And, like any journey, you put one foot in front of the last and keep on walking.

Obsession?

People wonder and some have asked me, why are you obsessed with the Camino?  Or, for a non-believer, you spend a lot of time writing about a Catholic Pilgrimage route, why?

Part of their question(s) are valid but maybe a bit mis-stated.  I have no particular obsession with the Camino (or any other thing) but, I am very interested in what my time on the Camino offered me.  It is an evolving offering and an enduring challenge so yes, I do spent time thinking about this offering and, I choose to discuss it here, in my blog.

In my life and, I don’t think my life is that much different than most other people’s, certainly not other American’s, there have been phases in which we experience similar but different things.  For me, they’ve gone something like this.

  1. Birth to young adulthood was spent learning all the basic things that humans need to survive and thrive in the modern world.  Besides walking, talking and beginning to learn, there’s how to get along in groups, learning to become responsible for ourselves, education and finally, living on our own using the aforementioned tools.  Let’s face it, some do better than others even at this basic phase.  Some have access to mentors, education, and life tools that others don’t.  A basic but undeniable reality, these children had no choice in their situation, but it can doom them to a very different life than I’ve known.
  2. Young adulthood and this may overlap with the end of Phase 1 a bit but it’s the time where you have some freedom, you probably make a lot of mistakes because while you were taught certain things, you hadn’t really learned them until you fall and scrape you knee a few times.  Sometimes this phase laps into the next, relationships and marriage.  No matter how, it can be a very selfish time, a lot of me.  What I want, we still haven’t had to figure out the WE thing yet.
  3. For many, Phase 3 is both rewarding and destructive.  Rewarding because they begin their family.  You strive to provide for them, you want your children to be better off than you were, this was drilled into our heads.  To do this, you work, for most in the United States, both parents work.  Kids go off to school, mom goes to work and, in my case, I went to the airport far too often and was gone far too much.  It’s what the breadwinner does, right?  For some, this is where the destruction can begin.  Like an aging car, routine and required maintenance is overlooked or skipped all together.  Relationships suffer.  Our focus is often on the wrong thing, that promised shiny object called success or the American Dream, whatever that actually is.
  4. For those who survive Phase 3, this next phase is hopefully very rewarding.  The phase where the children leave home, the empty nest.  Often, this period is one of rebirth and rejuvenation.  There can be more expendable income, more time to do things like travel.  If you’re lucky, this phase lasts until the end, staying healthy in all senses of that word is important.
  5. I’m not going to spend much effort here for some, this can be a lonely and sad place.  The loss of a partner or your health.

At this point in my life, I’m in Phase 4.  Our children are grown and for the most part happy and healthy, we have grandchildren, we’re comfortable financially, and we’ve been able to travel and enjoy life…except this year.  I’m healthy which is critical to enjoying this part of my life.

This brings me to why my Camino of 2017 was so impactful to me.  For 2 years I got to plan (once I got to Spain, this all went out the window) and dream about being outside for an extended period of time, meeting people and loving life.

Preparing for this journey brought me great joy as I got to spend a lot of time outside with friends, walking ourselves into shape.  Really though, once we were in shape, it was building upon our friendship and, in my case, really getting to know Ann, someone I’ve “known” for years.  That has been an added joy.

Arriving in France and then into Spain, I was immediately challenged both mentally and physically.  I over came those challenges, a great emotional relief.

I also had time to think about me, who I was, am and want to be.  A rekindled interest in mindfulness that I’d been introduced to 40 years earlier.  I had time to focus on this with no phones ringing, no emails to respond to and no real responsibilities other than walk and prepare to do he same thing again tomorrow.  The simplicity was liberating in all senses of the word.  My mind was set free.

Friendships and camaraderie came easily, some of the people I met are now fixtures in my being.  Yes, I do not see them as much as I’d like but, they will always be with me and I can call them up in my mind (email or phone) when I need to.

All of these things have allowed me to realign my life and priorities, this is still a work in progress, as it should be, I suppose but, I believe it’s made me a better person.  It’s certainly made me a more spiritual person.

Don’t get me wrong, I did not have a religious conversion on the Camino.  I have come to realize, with help, encouragement and guidance that many of the things some credit to a faith, exist in all of us.  For my friends who believe, keep believing, I hope it makes you strong and your lives positive.  I too am feeling strong and positive, we share that.

Am I obsessed with my Camino?, no.  I am still learning from it every day, yes.  If that’s obsession, then I guess I need to change my answer or you need to change your question.

If what I’m doing and being is an obsession, you may want to join me on my ongoing Camino. The Fall of 2023 is calling.

Wasted year?

2020, what a year so far.  It’s sad when the best thing you can say about a year is that you didn’t catch the virus, yet.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I didn’t but, still, that’s a sad reflection.

I have been trying to look for positive things and they are few and far between. But I’m going to try to give it a go anyway.

  1. I did get to see my friends Carol & Letina, the Kiwi’s, and enjoy a long weekend in New Orleans with them in January.
  2. My friend Katja met someone, it’s still early but, seems like there’s potential there, that’s a good thing.
  3. Most everyone I know has remained healthy; I know a couple who’ve tested positive for CV-19 but they seem to have weathered it.  That’s very good.
  4. We have our home back.  I love my daughter and grandkids but, I think everyone is happy that they have their own place now.
  5. I look forward to seeing my Camino friends somewhere outdoors in September, I miss them all and that would be a very good thing.
  6. We look forward to finally beginning our oft delayed remodel project.  While having your home torn up and dusty for a month may not sound like a good thing, it is.
  7. We’re going to drive to Ft. Walton to see Albert before he has to deploy again. The idea when they bought their Townhouse here was that he would come up regularly. Who could have anticipated CV-19, DOD travel bans and #floridamorons? It will be very good to see him, I’ve missed him.
  8. I guess I’ve learned that small things in times like this are as important as the big things.  That’s a long forgotten good thing.
  9. CV-19 and the isolation that it brought gave me more time and, incentive to work on my spiritual self, probably a good thing too.
  10. Trump loses in a landslide (projecting), a very good thing.

So, maybe 2020 is not a total bust and if we look around, focus on the good things, the good deeds and the good people it suddenly looks much better.

Living life dangerously

After what seemed like months, actually, it was months, Susan and I decided to venture out of confinement to visit the Kimbell Art Museum to see and exhibit featuring Italian masterpieces from the Capodimonte Museum in Naples, Italy.  Ironically, we’d visited the same museum to see another exhibit just before the stay at home order, what I refer to as B.C., Before Covid.

We have, for the most part still stayed home as much as possible.  Unlike my friends in the U.K. and the E.U., we American’s took it upon ourselves to act like petulant children in a world ravished by CV-19.  And, while my friends in Europe are enjoying some relaxation, where I live in Dallas County, Texas, well, we’re finally starting to lower the infection rate.  Many parts of Texas are not.

With this in mind and combined with a raging case of Cabin Fever, we decided to take our chances, it was that or self-commit for evaluation. 

The Kimball is a beautiful setting and the exhibit of about 50 pieces was well done as usual and, sadly/fortunately, depending upon your perspective, was lightly attended on this Saturday morning.  Great if you were there to see the exhibit, bad for the Kimball who must try to make some money off the exhibit.

Afterwards, feeling a bit bold, we decided to have lunch at the Trinity Grove, they have a lot of outdoor seating in the shade, especially important in August.  Once again, we were able to find a table, plenty of space and we did enjoy our 2nd meal out since March 7th, almost exactly 5 months.

What my trip back to the Kimball really did was remind me of how much things have changed in those 5 months.  Obviously, CV-19, and all that it has wrought worldwide.

When I visited back in February, my father had not been diagnosed and now, he’s died almost 2 months ago now.

Vacations have been cancelled including a visit by my friend Katja, she’s busy and has lots of places she wants to visit so I don’t know if Texas will be back on her list.

Our trip to France, first planned for May and then rescheduled for September and now, off the calendar completely.  Don’t know if we’ll look at that next year or possibly visit Dawn and Nallie in South Africa (a ‘S’ country by the way).

Who knows what the rest of the year will look like?  I expect with the election in November fast approaching, it will be an ugly political season.

What my return to the Kimball also offered me was a revisit to my friend, the Seated Arhat.  I’d seen it in February and for some reason, it’s just stayed with me.  What I realized though was that I did not need to see the Arhat, what it had offered me is still with me.  An Arhat is a guide, and I have my guide, it’s an integral part of me now, maybe I had it all the time and I just had to realize it.  Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.

This terrible year I’ve found is just 1 year and, there must be some good in it somewhere.  Either way, I can’t change it. So, it’s become another lesson in equanimity.  Something else to let go of, stop resisting and to just let it flow by and through me.  I must believe that tomorrow will be better than today because if I did not, I would lose all hope.  So, I do believe that the future will be better.

Finally, we need 2020 v.2 because the current version has a virus.

Ever the optimist

While you may not be able to tell from my last many posts, I am actually a quite positive person.  Yes, many things have conspired to drag me down or, at least try to drag me down, I’ve decided that I will not allow that to happen.

To begin anew, I’ve decided to order new credential(s) for my long Camino in the Fall of 2023.  I ordered the Irish Credential, I saw on in 2017 and knew I needed one. I know, you can say, why get them now?  It’s a long time until the Fall of 2023 and, you’d be correct, it’s a bit over 3 years.

But, I’m optimistic and, it gives me something to look forward to, to plan for and to dream about.  Isn’t that really what living is about?  What’s next?  Where to?  When do we leave?  Why do I have to wait so long?

I’ve written previously about this long Camino, beginning in Lourdes and then taking the Camino Aragones through the Somport Pass and joining the Camino Francés in Puente la Reina.  From there, slowly meandering our way across Spain.  Looking for side trips, the road less travelled.

Phase 1

My friend Ann and I have talked about doing this, maybe mid-September to mid-November, a change of weather and seasons would be nice.  Maybe, I can convince Susan to join us.  I would be a miracle worker if I could do that but, I am an optimist.

Not having a true time constraint is going to be something to get used to, that factor was a motivation of its own, I always knew that I had to be finished by some date.  I guess my airline reservation will be my motivation, tickets can be changed though.

Who knows, maybe I’ll even volunteer as a Hospitalero, I’m very sure Susan will not get on board for that but, one can hope.

Sorry for the negativity, I’ll strive to be more forward thinking and continue to work on equanimity.